You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
