She announced her abortion via fbk
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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