either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
