Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
