were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
