i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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