just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
