Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
