The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
