What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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