Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
