Kiss
Puke
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
