Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
