We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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