Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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