I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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