forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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