Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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