I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
