Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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