I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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