dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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