And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
