no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
