nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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