Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
