I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
