I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
