Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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