bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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