woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
we're so committed to being not committed
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
