we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
