youre lurking in front of me
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize