for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
