Define "chronic" masturbator.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
