He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
