so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
