Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
