Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
