she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
