FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
