it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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