Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
