How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
