please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
