My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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