pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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