please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
