dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He felt like a one man threesome
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
