How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
