I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
