Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
