That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
