remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
